Saturday, January 31, 2015

Shrimp Scampi

It is becoming hard to decide what to make every weekend as now I understand what the women of this country go through everyday.

BUT all thanks to internet I am not running out of recipes any time soon.

First of all I am very happy this week because I found parsley from the vegetable guy which I was looking for all summers but ended up using coriander as a substitute so YAY FOR PARSLEY.

AND at a super market they refused to let me in because they thought I was a beggar. Apparently torn t-shirts are not in fashion anymore.


This is Shrimp Scampi. Now I know what Shrimp means but Scampi? Well who the hell cares about scampi. This is pasta made with butter, shrimps and topped with Parmesan cheese.

Now let's get down to business.

You need:

427 grams Linguine pasta

1 pound shrimps yes exactly ONE POUND SHRIMPS

1 tablespoon red chili flakes

1 tablespoon garlic paste

2 tablespoon unsalted butter

1/4 cup chicken stock (if you like to take haram stuff then you can replace it with wine)

1/4 cup lemon juice

1 lemon zest

3 tables spoon finely chopped parsley

1/4 cup of grated  Parmesan cheese

Salt and lightly crushed pepper as your taste

Boil the linguine according to the instructions on the packet. If even then you are unable to cook the pasta, you should end your life because you are worthless and you don't even amount to shit.

Melt butter in a skillet or a non stick pan oh high medium heat.

Add shrimps, garlic paste and red chili flakes. Cook for 2-3 minutes till the shrimps are pink.

Add salt, lightly crushed pepper, chicken stock and lemon juice. Cook simmer for 2 minutes.

Add lemon zest, parsley and mix.

Add the boiled linguine now and mix. 

This will require some good strength. One of the reasons I work out is to spin pastas in the pans.

You're Shrimp Scampi is all done now.

It is served with Parmesan cheese topped on it. There you go.

Don't you wish your boyfriend/husband/father/brother/son cooked like me?

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Fish & Chips w/ Mint Peas And Chunky Tartar Sauce

There was a time when people did not know me. Then I started cooking and everyone was like "Hey Shamsher! you're my best friend."

There was also a time when people did not use to love me and pay attention towards me. Then God gave me game and I started hustling. Learned cooking and then people started loving/praising me but now I don't feel like loving them back. To hell with everyone THIS people is my very own Fish & Chips sided with Tartar Sauce and Mint Peas.

This is made after watching a lot of videos and reading a lot of recipes and instructions. 

Today not only you will learn how to make Fish & Chips but also to make the most CRISPIEST Fish & Chips alongside something which I never knew existed called Mint Peas. Mint Peas is so simple like my life and is very easy to make.

Then last but not the least comes the Chunky Tartar Sauce which will be so delicious that you will leave the fish and eat it alone. ALONE

Let's start now...

First up I will suggest you to make Tartar Sauce and freeze it. So, it's nice and chilly when you eat it with the fish.

For Tartar Sauce you need:

Mayonnaise 1 pouch or depends on  your quantity. I had to made more because me and my family being Kashmiris eat like animals.

Capers around 4-6 tablespoon

4 Gherkins

(Both gherkins and capers are easily found at AlFatah and Green Valley in pickle form and the pickle form is required.)

2 Hard boiled eggs

4 Shallots diced

Dill leaves a bunch

2 Lemon Juice

Hand chop the dill leaves and add the gherkins, capers and hard boiled eggs to a chopper. Finely chop them.

Take the mayo out in a bowl. Add the dill leaves and the chopped gherkins, capers and hard boiled eggs along side the lemon juice and your CHUNKY Tartar Sauce is as ready as a groom to say 'kabool hai' on his wedding.

Now it's time to make them crispy chips.

For chips you obviously need chips and the quantity depends on you.

A suggestion is that you cut your chips nice and thick and put them under water for at least 30-60 minutes before making anything as it will remove some starch from the potatoes.

Drain these potatoes.

Warm up some water till it simmers and add these chips in to the simmering water for 90 seconds to 2 minutes NOT ANYMORE THAN THAT. Drain.

 The oil type we will use to fry stuff is SUNFLOWER OIL.

Don't mind this packet, mom did not let me use her oil stock. This is how cruel is my family to me. Now, I sound like a stupid rich brat but I ain't even rich bruh.

Warm up the oil on medium heat and enter all the potatoes for the initial fry. YES WE ARE FRYING CHIPS TWO TIMES.

Now heat the oil on FULL HEAT and fry them chips again till they are light brownish on outside which is the sign that they are DONE.

Chips are done.

Now moving to the next phase which is the fish.

You need:

Fish fillets

I literally cooked more than 2 kilograms.

Place the fish on a paper toweled plate and season it with some salt and black pepper. The salt will extract all the moisture out of the fish and it will make the batter stick to it firmly and also the batter will stay crispier this way.

For the fish batter you need:

1/4 cup of milk

1 tablespoon of honey

300 ml club soda

corn flour or rice flour preferably

salt & pepper as per taste aka HASB E ZIAQA

Put the flour in a bowl add salt & pepper. Then add 300 ml of club soda(make sure its cold), milk and honey. Whisk it and make it into a thick paste form.

Grab the fillet from one corner. Dip the fish fillet in this batter, shake of the extra batter on the fish gently and FRY till the outer crust of the fish is brown. Drain.

The fish is done, nice and crispy.

Now comes the final part of this recipe. Mint Peas. Funny name lol

You need:

2 tablespoons of butter

250 gms of boiled peas

finely chopped mint leaves

This is easy as cake and I do not know how to make cake. Anyway

Melt butter in a pan


Add peas and let them mix up with the butter. Then add mint leaves and squish the peas gently with a wooden utensil.

Out everything you've made above nicely on a plate. Sit back and enjoy your Fish & Chips w/  Mint Peas and Chunky Tartar Sauce.



Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Buffalo Chicken Cheesy Penne

Its that time of the week where you all give me your attention and praise. Yes I am going to share a recipe.

This one is called Buffalo Chicken Cheesy Penne. Very easy and simple to make. Simple like your ego.

It has two different types of cheese in it. Yes two not one. So, ladies hold that mouth of yours and listen to this very easy recipe.

You need

Penne pasta 500 grams

Boiled and shredded chicken 500 grams

Cream cheese 240 grams

Blue cheese dressing 3/4 of a cup

Buffalo sauce 1/3 of a cup (buffaylo sauce, according to the guy from essajee's)

Paprika 1 teaspoon

Salt 1 teaspoon

Black pepper 1/2 teaspoon

Garlic powder 1 teaspoon

Chicken broth 1/2 of a cup 

For topping you can use red chili flakes, spring onions or both. 

Start with putting the broth in a pan, melting cream cheese and adding buffalo sauce in it.

Melt the cheese and mix it in to a cream  just like in the picture above.

Add salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder and mix.

Then add the blue cheese and mix it well for 2-4 minutes. 

Add chicken, cover and cook it for 10 minutes on a low flame. 

Then add the boiled Penne pasta.

If you do not know how to boil a damn pasta then I need to have a chat with your parents about your upbringing.

Top it well with spring onions and chili flakes and your Buffalo Chicken Cheesy Penne is ready in just minutes. 


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